18_november

life.

been kinda thinking recently. what is it that we look for in life? what is life? and stuff like that. spent some time looking around today. it's nice watching people just pass you by. it's like, there are 4 million people in singapore, minus babies who stay home, and the elderly who are in nursing homes, and etc.. the chances of you meeting someone is actually about 3 million to 1. ever thought about that?

to me, life is about taking one step at a time, not knowing what lies ahead. life is about finding new things, new answers to new questions, new desires, and of course, life, in it's own special way, is also about death. i'll probably forget what i wrote in this post, but i'm gonna write it anyway. i like doing nothing at all, because to me, that's when you really understand what you've been missing in life. my life has never been about rushing from point A to point B, walking with my head faced to the floor, not realising what's around you. i don't know about the rest of the world, but for me, when i'm old, and i have grandchildren, i want to let them know what i accomplished with my life.

i want to look back on life, and remember all the amazing moments the way they were. imagine, when you're 80 or so, and you're on your deathbed, do you want to tell the people around you about how you spent your time walking with your head in books, always trying to achieve that targeted GPA? or do you want to close your eyes and describe to them how you spent your childhood with your friends, the games you played, or how naughty you were in school?

i don't know how fate planned this, but somehow it introduced me to something called inline skating. i know to majority of the world, it is just a sport, nothing serious, nothing big. but to me, it's my world. a world where i stand behind nobody's shadow, where i am me. i know, 50 years from now, i'll look back and remember the days of skating. i'll describe to my kids how all of the skaters were like, how it felt to be on wheels, and it felt just being there, on my skates, at that moment.

my life. all 18 years of it so far. well, almost 18 years.

leadership.

a leader is someone one looks up to, respects, and aspires to be one day. anyone can be a leader, but how many can actually be a good one? being a good leader not only requires top notch discipline, it also requires many rare traits such as determination, passion and humility.

there are a few groups of people in the world - those who were born to be good leaders, those who became leaders due to their hard work, those who do not want to be leaders at all, and those who want to lead, but do not know how. we all have our leaders. it is just how your leader acts that you will eventually be like one day.

i am not a born leader. i used to be someone who never wanted to lead, because i know that i cannot do a good job. it is like asking the blind to lead the blind. however, i took up the role of a leader. i knew it was not going to be easy, but i never expected it to be so tough either. maybe it is because i was never under a good leader that i do not know how to lead well. maybe i was born as someone who never should be a leader.

people who treat you like a leader will unconsciously become like you one day. that is why i'm so afraid of being a lousy leader. i know i will definitely make huge mistakes along the way, but, i also know that i will try to be the best i can. i never want those who treat me as a leader to follow under a bad leader.

whatever the case is, i know that i have not been doing my best, and it is for that reason that i apologize. starting from today, i swear to give 100% of whatever i have, to everyone who views me as a leader. however, it's not going to be easy. i don't need anything big. all i need is support.